The Truth about PAS, Narcissistic, Bi- Polar, ADHD and other Abusive Disorders and Syndromes.

Dear Friend and Fellow Advocate,

Thanks for visiting our site! If you are looking for answers to any family law problem you have come to the right place. I hope you will find the following information helpful.

"Mr. Weening, my ex is the biggest lying, cheating, alienating, bi polar, schizophrenic narcissist, obsessive compulsive, violent physical abuser that have you ever seen. I doubt you have handled a case with someone like her before."

When I formed Fathers Rights, Inc. in 1995 I began asking my new clients to write a short legal synopsis of their case so I could familiarize myself with their case concerns. I was amazed how many of them wrote a description similar to the above statement. The synopsis was often negative and angry and the pain they felt was obvious. I explained that in the "heat of battle" and while still in the impact zone of a broken relationship, circumstances and legal issues can appear more troubling and complicated than they really are. It's a vulnerable time for both party's when emotions and hurt feelings often prevail over common sense. It's a period of time when both party's are more prone to making regrettable conclusions about their failed relationship and tend to presume that their case is somehow different and unlike any that have ever happened. Wherefore,  I always assure my clients that their case is more common than they might believe and more importantly there is always a path to healing when moving forward. I also let them know that there are really very few scenarios I haven't seen in 27 years. Like the Farmers Insurance commercial states, "I know a thing or two because I've seen a thing or two."

It has been my observation that the above statement is typical of divorcing and/or separating spouses/partners. Interestingly, the words and phrases they used have now found their way into the family court legal system. Terms like: mental cruelty, brainwashing, parental alienation, narcissistic disorder, emotional, physical and sexual abuse, chronic abuser, ADHT, autism spectrum disorder and on and on. Please note that it is not my intention to analyze each of these issues and their relationship to the family court but rather to let you know how the court has dealt with these issues over the course of time and will likely continue to do so in the future. Keep in mind that many of the aforementioned "legal buzz words", expressions and psychological terms have certainly had an impact on the family court proceedings especially custody decisions. As in life, words matter in court too!

In the 1990's:
In the 1990's we got our first glimpse of what would became an official diagnosis named "PAS". (Parental Alienation Syndrome) Prior to that time it was simply referred to as "brainwashing." PAS is the systematic and intentional denigration of a parent by the other parent that seeks to "alienate" the other parent from the affections of the child. Since its official diagnosis and assignment of a formal name, PAS has become an all to common allegation in custody proceedings. Such allegations mostly affect Fathers who traditionally have less custody/visitation time share than Mothers. In other words, it is much easier and more common for a non-custodial parent to fall victim to PAS than a custodial parent who has the children the majority of time.

(To read more about PAS see article on "PAS and the Family court" in our Fathers Rights blog.)http://www.fathersrightsnowblog.com

In the 2000's
In Y2K (year 2000) domestic violence and mental abuse allegations became the new "buzz term" and continued to increase becoming the new path for women seeking instant and often permanent custody orders. An angry woman in a pending custody battle only needed to "cry wolf" (make an allegation of DV) and the court came running! In almost every case the Judge would issue some type of restraining order often ignoring compelling evidence to the contrary. Often there was either no domestic violence incident at all and/or the facts were greatly exaggerated.

In 2001 the Violence against Women Act became the prevailing law and family courts all over America reacted in panic. (Over-reacted). Family courts quickly adopted the cautious albeit biased policy that if they were going to error they would generally error on the side of caution. (In favor of the custodial parent.) Compounding the error of this misguided over-reaction Judges more often than not, unnecessarily included the children in the subsequent restraining orders when there was no evidence showing that the children needed protection. Including the children created an unfair, one-sided custody advantage making it nearly impossible for Fathers to have a fair shot at obtaining fair and reasonable custody/visitation orders. The court simply hadn't considered that a request to include the children in the protective order was manipulative and intentional and certainly NOT in the best interest of the children. The court should understand that it isn't really protection Mom's are seeking but rather a way to control the custody/visitation and subsequent financial support that goes along with that type of order. BIG MISTAKE by the Judges.

Lastly, readers must remember that obtaining a restraining order is VERY easy in most every state. All an angry mom has to do is say the two magic words: "I'm scared!" There does not have to be a lengthy allegation just "I'm scared!" No proof is necessary. Having said that, we must accept that there are cases where a father has physically/mentally abused his children's mother. It is also true that women are often the abusers and need to be held accountable as well. To be clear, it is NEVER OK to be physically abusive, male or female.....EVER! BUT we must not throw the baby out with the bath water. Judges must understand that most of the time DV issues surface are in and around, just before or just after the time of the break up and almost never involve the children. Including children in protective orders must require a greater scrutiny, a higher burden of proof that such a radical and over reaching order is necessary.  I could talk on this dilemma for hours but for purposes of this article the focus is limited to identifying the issues and describing the related legal process that follows. Ok, end of my rant and back to the truth about the aforementioned psychological terms now being used in family court.

(I discuss the subject of domestic violence and restraining orders at length in the Fathers Rights Survival Guide.)

In 2010:
PAS and false allegations of domestic violence had now reached a fever pitch. The courts became overloaded with legal pleadings, affidavits and declarations that explained/defended the respective legal situations. But in 2010 there arrived new "buzz terms" and "psychological phrases."  Terms like Narcissistic, Bi-Polar (BPS), Borderline personality disorder (BPD), paranoid schizophrenic, antisocial, avoidant, dependent and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), passive-aggressive (PAD), or psychoneurotic syndrome and many more.

Judges quickly realized that they were ill prepared for this onslaught of alleged psychological conditions, maladies, disorders and syndromes. Their heads were spinning with indecision. So the only reaction they could muster up is: let's call in the experts!!! Most every judge realized that they were not experts in psychology and really didn't know what to do with the allegations associated with these new words. Since most of these alleged conditions, syndromes and disorders were related to a custody case they once again followed their previous belief and practice that if they were going to error they would do so on the side of caution which meant in favor of the custodial parent which was usually the Mother. Psychological, drug and alcohol and child custody evaluations skyrocketed!

In 2019-22:
 In the 20 years or so since PAS was first diagnosed and formally recognized and named, a growing number of psychiatrist, psychologist, marriage and family counselors, religious and legal professionals have now become severely divided on the issue. It is no longer viewed as a revolutionary discovery but has been reduced to a common occurrence in most broken relationships. In turn, Judges also are divided. Many are not as quick to react to such allegations as they were in the past. In fact, most judges today simply refer to this common occurrence as "high conflict divorce issues" and would rather that such matters be resolved in mediation and/or family counseling.

To file or not to file. That is the question! It has been my observation that if nothing is resolved in mediation or counseling, one or both of the parties will take it to the next level by filing a motion requesting a psychological or custody evaluation. The motions will often contain allegations (new words and descriptions) listing many of the aforementioned maladies, syndromes, conditions and disorders compelling the court to order a custody and/or psychological evaluation. When confronted with these new allegations and expressions many judges have been known to exclaim; "be careful what you ask for you might just get it!" They also warn that such evaluations might radically change the custody arrangement in ways the parties never considered. The cost is also a BIG factor: usually in the neighborhood of $3000 to $6000 (or more) often split between the parties by court order.

My main purpose for this article is to advise this caution: Before you take legal steps to resolve parental alienation problems or any other of the above named conditions, syndromes and disorders consider the forgoing. Custody and visitation evaluations are very expensive and may not result in favorable orders or changes to existing custody/visitation orders. And as it is with any family law issue, make every attempt to resolve these issues out of court. Notwithstanding, PAS occurs in nearly EVERY divorce however, it is still very hard to prove and to what extent a parent, alienated a child from the other parent is a VERY subjective decision to the Judge. Even after an expensive custody evaluation and subsequent recommendation by the evaluator the court often will not change the current orders solely based on PAS. Here is another link that might be valuable:

http://www.parentalalienation.com/articles/symptoms-parental-alienation.html

Finally, PAS, Narcissistic disorder, Bi- Polar, ADHD, mental and physical abusers, obsessive-compulsive, border line personality disorder and other conditions, maladies, disorders and syndromes are very real but are most prevalent during the time of a break up. Ending relationships and all that is connected is hard for men, women and children. People can act differently, display behaviors, act out and speak out in ways not generally consistent with their personalities. Most often these behaviors subside in time and most go away once the parties resolve the legal issues. On the other hand, in some cases these behaviors can get worse and require additional legal steps.

If you are facing any of the aforementioned problems and would like to explore your legal options please check out our website at www.fathersrightsinc.com we have lots of free information for Fathers and their supporters. Also, be sure and read about our Advocate Plans. They are very helpful!

Good Luck and I hope to hear from you soon!

Your Advocate,               

                                               

Mike L. Weening